Tom Robbins, another author hero of mine, doesn't edit his writing. He is deliberate the first go round.
So, I am here, tonight to do that. I'm just going to say what it is that I need to say. I don't know who will read this. I don't know where this will land. It is my hope that it lands in the hearts that are ready to hear it and to commit to something greater than themselves. I want to give it all away. I don't want to save my love for some other time.
Now is the time for love.
Konmari has led me on a path to and around and into myself so that the person that sits here this evening writing some things and tossing them into the internet wind is fairly certain that she is undergoing her own metamorphosis.
It may or may not seem visible from the exterior but it is happening in my mind. I have been meditating using Headspace.com. It's really helping me. I never knew what just a little peace and quiet each day could do for the rest of my day and for my relationships.
I am less angry than I ever have been. Less hot tempered. I claimed Irish often in my life. It was a convenient excuse for being completely chaotic with my life at times.
There are things that I have said and done that I'm not exactly proud of but instead of my usual shame fest or joke it away, I am able to be honest with myself that the girl who was capable of those things is still with me, it was real then and it could be real later but I am starting to doubt it. I am learning from that girl. I am choosing to forgive her. I hope that the people that I have hurt can forgive me.
Research about mindfulness meditation is showing through brain scan evidence that the brain/ the mind can be shifted with a little bit of training. The executive function is improved even after just a short while.
This is my purpose, at least one of them. I am to spread the love of mindfulness to parents, school board members, kids, other teachers, etc. and see what sort of revolution of peace we can get going in our schools and especially in our city schools and especially in the south of the US and especially in Richmond Public Schools and especially with elementary kids. (using art, songs and storybooks?)
I'm here in Richmond, thinking about starting a revolution of kindness. Be the change, and all that. There are other people here that are feeling it, too. Lets get together and feel alright.
The time of excess has got to stop and it has to stop with us.
Our everyday lives will thank us for the change. Health will return to us. We will find rest for the weary and broken hearted.
Who else is going to do it? Our parents generation, nope. Our grandparents generation, heading out the door, lately. Our kids are watching us. Our kids are waiting for a sign that someone around these parts is a real deal grown up.
I'm going to be a grown up now.
I'm done with my childish ways. They aren't working for our planet. They aren't working for our hearts. I don't want to fight. I ain't gonna study war no more.
I am going to be in the woods with my family if you need me.
I want to KonMari myself so much so that I leave no trace of myself here. I want to be a whisper on the wind. I want to be unencumbered when I leave this body. I want to be at peace with those around me and in my heart.
Our planetary deep dark wells of water are depleting, quickly. We are facing a planetary mass extinction. We are killing each other. We are killing ourselves. We are medicating with pills and with outdated doctrines. The masses have been on opiates for far too long and its time to wake up, look around, take responsibility, feel the connectedness of all things and begin to wish to leave no trace.
We must adjust our sails if this is going to work out on this planet.
I've been realizing that I just need to speak my truth and stop worrying about who is going to find some sort of blame with me. I have some shame stuff that I have been unpacking along the KonMari pilgramage. It's some heavy stuff. I am slowly putting it down. As I release the shame, it can be made into something else that can retrn to me in a new way.
Insight? Purpose? Is that you? Welcome to my mind. Goodbye, Shame. Goodbye, doubt.
It is my purpose to bring messages of love to the world. It is my purpose to sing songs. It is my purpose to speak truth to power.
Konmari made it clear who my heroes are and who I wish to be. They are the poets and the peacekeepers, they are the lovers and the dreamers, the thinkers and the hard-hard workers. They are the salt of the earth and the champions of life. Life wants to live.
I must act accordingly.
I think that vulnerability is heroism in our modern era.
The realness is so elusive. We are surrounded by so much noise that we cannot find ourselves. But we are in there, singing a love song to this Earth and to ourselves and to everything that ever was and ever will be. Life is a gift.
There is a quote. I don't know it well but the gist is...we are not insignificant because of our tiny size in the vast universe. We are all the more significant and special because we have found evidence of life no where else. We must save ourselves.
We are born to love.
KonMari taught me that in order to find purpose, the elusive dream, the essential you, then bid farewell to any thing in your home, the place where you lay your head to rest each night, that does not spark in you an immediate response of joy.
You know it when you feel it. It's truly undeniable.
It sounds crazy. Everybody just KonMari your home and the world will balance out? I know that it isn't meant for everyone. KonMari as a path to enlightenment may only be for a few. Luckily, KonMari is my particular path. The path of the middle aged, middle class woman.
There are other paths to inner and outer peace. My husband took a journey to himself early on when he completed his time in the Army and decided to go out and experience some things. Experience has taught him some valuable stuff. He shares it with me. KonMari was a no-brainer for him. He doesn't struggle with attachment the way that I used to.
I am a teacher. I want to teach. I'm meant to teach.
Today was a day that was special as a mom to a toddler just starting summer break. He got the sweetest summer haircut and also, took his very first poop on the potty.
I had a thought today, after I talked to a financial planner about life insurance recommendations (I AM truly being a grown up these days), if I died sooner than later that I would want everyone to know that I was grateful to be here for the day that Henry took his first toilet poop. It really was awesome.
Today was a day where I also felt tremendous collective pain from two places in South Carolina.
At Camp Thunderbird, where I spent so many wonderful summers working during and after college, a counselor died last night.
I texted, messaged and liked instagram posts from the extended camp community and family sending love and talking about the kids, the staff, the directors and what they must be feeling there, now.
KonMari showed me that camp is what brings me some of the most joy. Nothing has ever quite compared to my time at summer camp in terms of overall happiness and daily joy. So, my heart is broken for them.
Because we lost our friend John last year, I have learned that in the midst of pain, there is also the possibility for joy. In the midst of loss, there can be growth. In the forest of sorrow there can be a song of happiness that grows, too. We must nurture strength of spirit.
We choose our reaction to being hurt by the loss of a person, a thing or even the loss of an idea of an outcome that we had been attaching to.
The future is uncertain. Its blurry at best until you close your eyes.
Feel the weight of yourself.
You are here.
Your life is your life.
Breathe for all those that no longer breathe.
Charleston, South Carolina is one of the places on this Earth where I feel very much at home. I am drawn in by the thick unmistakable southern air of the city.
We moved to South Carolina when I was two years old and I spent my summers on the shores of Lake Wylie. Collectively, I have spent over a decade hanging around with South Carolina. She knows me well and I do her.
It's a complex place. It has a sorted history. It is a land where slaves were once bought and sold. It is a place that yesterday, instead of riots in the streets, the people of Charleston, South Carolina showed the world what grace and forgiveness look like as they wrapped the city in a collective hug.
Forgiveness does not make you weak, it makes you strong.
I have a dream.
I dream that we gain a collective perspective on our place in all the things. Everything is everything. We are all connected. We are stardust, we are golden.
"Want to slow it all down, watch it roll by, see where sweet melody falls. I want to roll off the tempo, lay back and just get high. It's only time, time after all." - Sturgill Simpson
My son can sit on a toilet, like a big person. Time is going so quickly these days. Become mindful. Slow it down.
Be here now.
Compassion is the way. Please hear me.